


Don't Just Stand There Staring, Honey

by hschooler



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anakin Skywalker Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Background Anakin/Padme, CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives Lives, CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives is a Little Shit, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Disaster Trio, Drinking, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Gen, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, The clones love their Jedi, Undercover Missions, Walk Into A Bar, Yoda's Disaster Lineage (Star Wars), but they are so dumb, implied Codywan, seriously this is soft, the clones are done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-24 00:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30063570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hschooler/pseuds/hschooler
Summary: The clones have a laugh at their Jedi—who are all startlingly unaware that they're all ridiculously attractive
Relationships: 501st Legion & Ahsoka Tano, 501st Legion & Anakin Skywalker, 501st Legion & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 19
Kudos: 200





	Don't Just Stand There Staring, Honey

**Author's Note:**

> Set in a vague fix-it AU where the chancellor was defeated, Anakin didn’t turn to the dark side, and Ahsoka has returned to the Order after very graciously berating the council until they agreed to reforming the Code for all of their sakes.
> 
> I probably could've rated this G, but I rated it Teen because of swearing and vague (Incredibly Vague) implications of creepy people just to be safe.

The war had ended and the galaxy had been returned to peace. Well, for the most part. There were pockets of Separatist stragglers that kept popping up, bombing factories or attacking relief ships. Arms deals and black market trades were resurging in the absence of galactic conflict.

Which was how Ahsoka, Anakin, and Obi-Wan found themselves in the position they were in now. Ahsoka had been shot, stabbed, tortured, and betrayed in her young life. But the current circumstances of this mission might be the worst she had encountered. 

“I hate it,” Ahsoka deadpanned. She stood in front of the mirror, examining her reflection while Anakin lounged on the couch in their shared quarters. 

Anakin glanced up from whatever he was reading on his datapad. Knowing him, it was more likely he was scrolling through pictures of his kids again. “You look great, Snips.” A tight smile pulled at his lips. 

She rolled her eyes, tugging on the hem of the dress. “You hate it too.”

Anakin shook his head, hair tumbling into his face from where it had been carefully brushed back. “No, no—I mean, you’re gorgeous, Snips. You just look really grown up, that’s all.” 

Ahsoka gave him a fond smile as she turned back to the mirror. He had been doing that a lot lately. As if having infants of his own now had very starkly reminded him that she was in no way, shape, or form a child anymore. 

Truth be told, she hadn’t been in a long time. 

She scowled once more at her reflection, glaring daggers at the stilettos on her feet that were already causing stabbing pain in her heels. She really hoped they didn’t have to fight tonight. 

Or maybe she did. Then she would at least have an excuse to rip the monstrosities off. 

The black dress she wore at least left plenty of room for movement. It stopped high up on her thighs, the hem tapering to a thin point near her right knee. It was ruched around her hips, and molded to her upper body, highlighting every curve. The neckline flowed high around her throat, leaving her shoulders bare. A couple gold bangles decorated her upper arm, while a delicate chain of the same color was artfully twined around her montrals and lekku. 

Ahsoka knew she looked good. She felt good, even. It was just...weird. 

“If I was still your Master I’d probably be telling you that vanity is antithetical to the Jedi philosophy. You’ve been staring into the mirror for twenty minutes.”

Ahsoka snorted, coming over to sit next to him on the couch. Even though she had technically been Knighted, they hadn’t relinquished their shared quarters. Anakin essentially lived with Senator Amidala—Padme, she mentally corrected herself—but when he was at the Temple...well, it was difficult for both of them to say the least. Neither had truly recovered from their mistrust of the Council, even though they believed it could get better. It was just easier to make it through the night—and the nightmares—knowing the other was close by. 

“You can tell you’re spending more time with Padme,” she nudged his shoulder, chuckling at his raised eyebrow. “Antithetical is a big word for you.”

Anakin rolled his eyes and shoved her shoulder.

“The disrespect, and from my own padawan, no less,” he mumbled. But she could see the grin pulling at his mouth. 

The door to their quarters slid open with a hiss and Obi-Wan stepped in. He somehow managed to look as put together and respectable in trendy civvies as he did in his Jedi Master robes. 

It was a talent, honestly. 

“Ahsoka, you look lovely, dear one.” He nodded to her, the fond smile on his face warming her heart. “Anakin,” he turned to his former padawan, stone faced. Then a sly smile spread out under his beard as he stroked it. “I must say, it is nice to see you wearing something not covered in vomit.” 

Ahsoka burst out laughing while Anakin just sputtered, searching for an appropriately scathing comeback. 

“I—yeah, alright, that one is a...fair observation.” He rose from the couch, shaking his head, reaching for the black leather jacket draped behind him. Anakin had donned a simple outfit: black jeans and boots, a simple, but well-fitted grey shirt, and the leather jacket he was now pulling around his shoulders. Ahsoka had meant to tease him about following the “youthly trends” as Obi-Wan called them. Then she remembered that that was likely what people his age were actually wearing. Even after all these years she still forgot how young he was, at only five years her senior. 

Anakin tucked his lightsaber into his jacket, then held out a hand for hers. She begrudgingly obliged, handing over her sabers and watching as he tucked the main one next to his own under his jacket, and slid the smaller of the two into his back pocket. 

That was another strike against the dress. Nowhere to hide a lightsaber. 

“We must be on our way, you two, if we are to meet Rex and the others at an appropriate time to disrupt this arms deal.” 

Their mission was relatively simple—halting illegal arms deals was so familiar to her by now she probably could have done it in her sleep—it just required a little more finesse than usual. 

Despite the end of the war, the damage Palpatine had done to the Jedi’s reputation was not easily repaired. Public opinion of the Order was at an all time low, as many still held them responsible for the war and its destruction. Many of the lower levels that had once deferred to Jedi authority in dealing with the criminal had become outright hostile. 

Thus, their disguises. They couldn’t waltz into a bar or club and expect the occupants to give up the dealers like they might once have. Not many particularly cared about getting on the wrong side of the Jedi these days. 

***

The lower levels of Coruscant still flickered with neon electricity, a kaleidoscope of colors and sounds. The bar they were targeting was pleasantly classier than they were used to. Though that usually meant the arms dealers would be worse than most. 

They trekked down the street, Obi-Wan in front as they approached the bar. Music and lights poured through the entryway, and she saw Rex, along with Fives, Jesse, and Cody standing near the door. 

Anakin had an arm thrown around her shoulders, tucking her closely into his side. There had been looks thrown her way already and though she could very well take care of herself, he still didn’t want his little sister out of his sight.

She elbowed him in the ribs, throwing a smirk his way when he scowled at her. She had gotten taller, but he still had to look down slightly in order to meet her gaze. “You should buy me a drink, since you missed my birthday.” 

Obi Wan just gave her a look. Then turned to Anakin with his Special Look she fondly referred to as his, ‘ _ Don’t-Even-Think-About-It _ ’ Look. 

And since Obi-Wan disapproved, her chances of Anakin actually paying for any alcohol she consumed—which frankly, was unlikely. They were on a mission after all—skyrocketed. 

The arm that was around her shoulders raised in protest as they neared the entrance. “C’mon old man. It’s not everyday a girl turns eighteen.”

Ahsoka nodded enthusiastically, fluttering her eyelashes all too innocently and fighting the urge to burst out laughing. “Yeah, Master Kenobi. I’m an adult now.” 

Obi-Wan pinched the bridge of his nose, looking exasperated. “Don’t remind me.”

They finally reached the entrance to the bar. Ahsoka was still giggling and Anakin remained snickering under his breath at Obi-Wan’s fond exasperation of the two of them. They greeted their men, who also wore civvies, and that, to Ahsoka, was stranger than anything she, Anakin, or Obi-Wan could have worn. 

They strolled into the building and Obi-Wan made a beeline for the bar, Fives and Cody following quickly behind them. If anyone had asked, he probably would have said something about spreading out, but really he just needed a drink. 

Anakin, Rex, Ahsoka, and Jesse followed behind them strolling casually through the crowd. Ahsoka held her arms across her chest, trying not to look like she was intensely focused on not tripping in her shoes, while Anakin held his arms loose at his sides trying to appear as though his head wasn’t on a swivel. 

Rex just shook his head as Jesse grinned. It was incredible, he thought, that the  _ jetiise _ received all that training and yet blending into a bar and being, quite frankly,  _ normal _ , was beyond them. He had to admit though, they had cleaned up nicely. He wasn’t sure what he had expected, but they certainly looked a far cry from the commanding officers he had come to know. 

Ahsoka was leaning with her back against the bar, sipping on some sort of brown liquor (that Anakin had indeed paid for), with Obi Wan on one shoulder and Anakin on the other. They were chatting with the clones and keeping an eye out for anything suspicious. So far there was nothing. At this point in the evening, she was starting to wonder if their intel had been bad. 

Anakin was getting restless, and Obi-Wan was repetitively stroking his beard as he whispered to Cody. 

She kept noticing stares thrown their way, and whispers around them. Her senses didn’t indicate any malicious intent, but it was strange just the same. She sighed, glancing at the chrono on her wrist. It was already two hours past the intended meeting time. She expected they’d give it one more before calling it a night. 

_ All night in these heels for nothing _ , she sighed in her head. She scooted closer to Anakin as another group walked past them, eyes roving. But they weren’t just looking at her—she noticed their gazes wandering across Anakin and Obi-Wan, too. 

She tensed, then. They must have been caught out. They were likely idiots for thinking they wouldn’t be recognized as Jedi, even in their civilian clothes. Anakin and Obi-Wan, and by extension herself, were practically the faces of the Clone Wars. 

Their men caught onto her posture in seconds, rising slowly enough so as not to be suspicious, but they positioned themselves around their _ jetiise _ nonetheless. But none of them noticed a threat, and still, Ahsoka could sense no ill-will from the bar’s patrons. 

She was decidedly confused now. 

“Why do they keep staring at us?” She asked, then dropping her voice lower. “We don’t even look like Jedi.” 

Anakin shrugged, looking as uncertain as she did. “D’nno Snips. But I’m thinking this arms deal isn’t happening.” 

Obi-Wan nodded his assent next to them, straightening his jacket before turning to the bar and ordering another drink. “A night off, then,” he said, and passed whatever he had ordered to Ahsoka. “And happy late birthday, dear one.” Obi-Wan gave her one of his rare, genuine smiles that so few ever saw and she was suddenly fourteen again, wondering how on earth she was going to impress not only Master Skywalker, but  _ Obi-Wan Kenobi _ as well. Her anxiety had been palpable through the Force and while Anakin had reassured her that her place was at his side, she’d been less sure of her position when it came to Obi-Wan. 

And then a few days later he had pulled her aside and apologized that they had yet to have a proper introduction. He had introduced himself as formally as he would to another Master and while Ahsoka stifled a giggle—simply because Anakin was the polar opposite of formal—she had caught the edges of a grin beneath his beard. And then he had told her how glad he was that she was apprenticed to Anakin—how happy he was to add to their lineage—and it had been a time she felt like she belonged. Like maybe she could really be part of their little family. 

She shook herself out of her thoughts, thanking him before downing half the glass in one go. Anakin patted her on the back, a shit-eating grin plastered across his face while Obi-Wan shook his head in disapproval. 

“Heathens, the both of you,” he said. “Where did I go wrong?”

Ahsoka and Anakin had to brace against the bar to contain their laughter. Force, she hadn’t laughed like this in so long. Likely not since before she had left the Order. 

Then she noticed the staring again. 

As she fully turned away from the bar, about to point out her observation once again, she noticed the wry grins on her mens’ faces. They glanced knowingly in between each other, eyebrows raised as they looked at their  _ jetiise _ . 

Force, they were oblivious. 

“What?”

They exchanged glances again and Jesse cleared his throat, loudly, looking anywhere but at the three Jedi standing in front of them. 

Anakin raised an eyebrow, beginning to wonder if he needed to be concerned. Clearly, his men knew something he didn’t, and while he never doubted their loyalty or their drive to keep them, Ahsoka especially, safe, he was not fond of being left in the dark. “What aren’t you telling us?” he asked, using his Jedi General voice and crossing his arms across his chest. 

They all looked to Rex, evidently nominating him to deliver whatever message they had. Rex brought a fist to his mouth, looking suddenly uncomfortable. Behind him, Cody had begun to turn a bright red, looking anywhere but at Obi-Wan. 

Rex cleared his throat. “I—well, sirs, you see—” He broke off and reached for one of the shots sitting on the table they had gathered around, and he knocked it back before turning to them once again. 

The Captain of the 501st, fearless in the face of insurmountable odds, still looked no less cagey than he did two minutes ago. Ahsoka was torn between laughing at her Captain’s awkwardness and letting dread grow at whatever it was he had to tell them. 

“Um,” he began, coughing. 

Finally, Fives rolled his eyes behind him. “Oh, for Force sake,” he downed a shot. “You’re all hot as shit, that’s why they’re staring.” 

Ahsoka gaped at him and if she had been capable of blushing, she was sure she would have been. Anakin didn’t say a word, but the tips of his ears were bright red when he snagged a shot from in front of Jesse. Obi-Wan had a hand covering his eyes, and when he looked up it was to meet Cody’s gaze and then quickly look away. 

Ahsoka was still struggling to wrap her mind around the concept. It was something she’d never really thought about before. Before she knew it the clones were consumed in fits of laughter, ones so genuine she couldn’t help but join in. Soon enough they were all seated around the table, giggling into their cups. 

“I mean seriously,” Fives started once again. “We’ve got  _ Jetii _ Poster Boy and newly minted DILF,” he pointed to Anakin whose eyes immediately widened to the size of plates as he slapped his hands atop Ahsoka’s montrals. 

“There are children present,” he hissed at Fives. 

Ahsoka rolled her eyes, reaching up to smack at his hands. “Relax, Skyguy. If you think I don’t know what that means then you’re forgetting that I was the one doing quarters inspections for the entire battalion for a minute there. What exactly do you think I was finding?” 

Anakin groaned, letting his head smack onto the table. “I knew that was a mistake.”

Rex was staring at them, positively scandalized, while Fives just continued on as if no one had interrupted him. He pointed to Ahsoka. “The 501st's very own Warrior Princess Beauty Queen.” She smirked and raised the glass in front of her. 

“Cheers to that.” 

Anakin just pushed her arm down before anyone could inflate her ego more than it already was. 

“And last but not least, the famed Negotiator. Everyone’s favorite hot professor.” Obi-Wan appeared startled.

“Professor?” he asked. Because _ that _ was the part of the statement Obi-Wan chose to focus on.

Jesse shrugged. “You put out teacher vibes.”

“Oh,” was all Obi-Wan said, though she was struggling so hard not to laugh at his growing blush and the unsubtle glances he and Cody kept shooting between each other. Anakin noticed too and made a gagging noise before letting his head fall back down onto the table.

Rex leaned back into his chair, gaping at his flabbergasted  _ jetiise _ . “This is all new information to you isn’t it.”

All three of them nodded. Anakin somehow managed it without lifting his head from the table. 

Ahsoka glanced down, smirking as she patted his head. “Ready to go, Skyguy?”

“Room spinning,” was the muffled response. 

Obi-Wan snorted, momentarily shaken out of his stupor by the opportunity to tease his former student. “Now you know what flying with you is like.” 

Anakin just made a weak motion with his hand.

Jesse let out a long suffering sigh at his  _ jetiise _ . 

“You’re hopeless, all of you.” 

**Author's Note:**

> It's my birthday so I'm posting this incredibly self-indulgent fic and no one can tell me not to :) This was kinda crack but I'm hoping everyone is at least mostly in character.  
> title is from Looking at Me by Sabrina Carpenter


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